










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 236 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2122 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,716 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1808 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3590 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2344 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1974 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $920,204 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 144 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I Wear No Pants | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | Soundwave | 55% | 44 |
| #3 | iLLmatiK | 52% | 48 |
| #4 | Brown Shrek | 49% | 45 |
| #5 | BeardedPiro | 44% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | iLLmatiK | 52% | 48 |
| #4 | Brown Shrek | 49% | 45 |
| #5 | BeardedPiro | 44% | 104 |
| #6 | Dang | 42% | 66 |
| #7 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 41% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Soundwave | 9 | 0.0100 |
| #2 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 5 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | iLLmatiK | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Dang | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeardedPiro | 144 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | iLLmatiK | 137 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Dang | 103 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 89 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Brown Shrek | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I Wear No Pants | +2.70 | 79 | 59 |
| #2 | Brown Shrek | +1.13 | 55 | 65 |
| #3 | Dang | +0.72 | 56 | 57 |
| #4 | ReDoNkUluS | +0.31 | 63 | 60 |
| #5 | Soundwave | +0.20 | 54 | 70 |





