








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 261 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 217 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3125 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,793 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2909 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3125 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2313 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1446 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,086,517 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 723 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 43% | 60 |
| #10 | [FA] Smooth Awperator | 42% | 33 |
| #11 | Soundwave | 40% | 91 |
| #12 | Kallen | 38% | 26 |
| #13 | ROSEHORSE | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iLLmatiK | 9 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 7 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Soundwave | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Dang | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | ROSEHORSE | 4 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeardedPiro | 345 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #2 | Dang | 330 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | I Wear No Pants | 325 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #4 | iLLmatiK | 224 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 185 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I Wear No Pants | +2.29 | 72 | 68 |
| #2 | Brown Shrek | +1.21 | 50 | 66 |
| #3 | Kallen | +0.99 | 84 | 44 |
| #4 | Dang | +0.93 | 58 | 58 |
| #5 | Thunder | +0.27 | 48 | 62 |





