








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 493 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 592 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3646 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,589 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8003 | 26% |
| Smokes | 9436 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5711 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 7439 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,516,259 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SAND SPIDER | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | I Wear No Pants | 53% | 64 |
| #3 | ReDoNkUluS | 52% | 48 |
| #4 | BeardedPiro | 47% | 280 |
| #5 | Dang | 45% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ROSEHORSE | 45% | 84 |
| #7 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 45% | 139 |
| #8 | Brown Shrek | 44% | 104 |
| #9 | Thunder | 44% | 62 |
| #10 | Soundwave | 42% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 19 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | BeardedPiro | 10 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Soundwave | 9 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | ROSEHORSE | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Brown Shrek | 5 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Like_*_A_*_Fox | 540 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #2 | BeardedPiro | 377 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | Soundwave | 210 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | I Wear No Pants | 207 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Dang | 205 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I Wear No Pants | +2.23 | 71 | 71 |
| #2 | Dang | +1.16 | 58 | 60 |
| #3 | ReDoNkUluS | +1.03 | 69 | 54 |
| #4 | Brown Shrek | +0.99 | 51 | 65 |
| #5 | Thunder | +0.13 | 44 | 63 |





