








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Wingman | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1779 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,458 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1305 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1751 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1134 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1268 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $952,506 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 254 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Loke | 57% | 21 |
| #5 | Tangerudbakken | 54% | 59 |
| #6 | c9q9md ☺ | 50% | 221 |
| #7 | milk truck just arive | 48% | 122 |
| #8 | sly groper | 43% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | c9q9md ☺ | 11 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Tangerudbakken | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | milk truck just arive | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | sly groper | 2 | 0.0028 |





