










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
739 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,077 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1095 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1268 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 446 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1268 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $566,735 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joe Cool | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | james | 6 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | mackee | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | letsmakeout23 | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Literal Whore | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | letsmakeout23 | 377 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | GlocNessMonster | 237 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | james | 212 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #4 | Joe Cool | 153 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | crybaby radio | 119 | 0.10 | 3 min |





