








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 385 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 489 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5188 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,831 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4709 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5699 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4565 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4858 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,413,655 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 477 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ziggish | 67% | 33 |
| #2 | Effelicious | 58% | 36 |
| #3 | Danish Kalashnikov | 58% | 216 |
| #4 | Undukrig | 55% | 65 |
| #5 | banzai | 55% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | banzai | 55% | 135 |
| #6 | w0bz | 53% | 81 |
| #7 | b3nnyF | 53% | 57 |
| #8 | Pomfritten | 53% | 232 |
| #9 | 7000 Fredericia | 47% | 163 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pomfritten | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #2 | Effelicious | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | 7000 Fredericia | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | w0bz | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Danish Kalashnikov | 760 | 0.16 | 22 min |
| #2 | 7000 Fredericia | 425 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Pomfritten | 253 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | w0bz | 232 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | Undukrig | 208 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Effelicious | +1.20 | 78 | 62 |
| #2 | Pomfritten | +1.09 | 55 | 58 |
| #3 | b3nnyF | +0.74 | 77 | 65 |
| #4 | w0bz | +0.45 | 71 | 72 |
| #5 | ziggish | +0.30 | 74 | 79 |





