








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 131 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3501 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3883 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3764 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3541 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3070 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,192,527 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Purtsi | 75% | 28 |
| #2 | ö Laars | 67% | 58 |
| #3 | Shinkyo | 63% | 41 |
| #4 | phooks | 62% | 34 |
| #5 | Potkupuku | 60% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | JihanX | 47% | 36 |
| #15 | ✪ AQ | 46% | 39 |
| #16 | the best asslander | 43% | 28 |
| #17 | Torpan pyöveli | 40% | 30 |
| #18 | gibliks | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jonzki | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | lasso | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Potkupuku | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | roberto san | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Aake | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jonzki | 871 | 0.16 | 29 min |
| #2 | roberto san | 476 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #3 | Potkupuku | 460 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #4 | lasso | 356 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #5 | ö Laars | 206 | 0.17 | 7 min |





