








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 422 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 314 matches | ||
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Renown | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3941 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3368 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4520 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5537 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4887 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,301,227 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 204 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Potkupuku | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | Pallero | 61% | 41 |
| #3 | Jonzki | 57% | 152 |
| #4 | Masi | 55% | 87 |
| #5 | the best asslander | 55% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | ✪ AQ | 45% | 124 |
| #14 | Gerard of Riviera | 45% | 29 |
| #15 | MikaBiceps | 43% | 54 |
| #16 | kokematon ponkka | 43% | 47 |
| #17 | Tohtori | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lasso | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | roberto san | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Jonzki | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | the best asslander | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | ✪ AQ | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | roberto san | 1307 | 0.27 | 38 min |
| #2 | lasso | 847 | 0.18 | 25 min |
| #3 | Jonzki | 553 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #4 | ✪ AQ | 379 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #5 | the best asslander | 330 | 0.16 | 9 min |





