








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 615 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 237 matches | ||
| Faceit | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3733 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,390 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4984 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4065 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2897 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3444 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $966,490 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 150 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | atomic | 55% | 96 |
| #17 | Jax | 54% | 61 |
| #18 | pZ | 53% | 75 |
| #19 | Techne | 50% | 22 |
| #20 | loverboy | 50% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J13K | 15 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | tub1- | 11 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Cheesie Bigs | 10 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | αмαzε™ | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | FIU Blue Coach (CaptainNoct) | 9 | 0.0136 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TOP50OWEN | 613 | 0.21 | 16 min |
| #2 | J13K | 556 | 0.25 | 15 min |
| #3 | atomic | 395 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #4 | αмαzε™ | 327 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #5 | tub1- | 308 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FIU Blue Coach (CaptainNoct) | +1.70 | 84 | 68 |
| #2 | J13K | +1.58 | 83 | 70 |
| #3 | Nani Im a Bot | +1.54 | 74 | 72 |
| #4 | tub1- | +1.48 | 85 | 68 |
| #5 | prospekt | +1.36 | 67 | 63 |





