








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
748 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,135 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 339 | 16% |
| Smokes | 717 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 587 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 492 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $469,908 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GlaasjexBier | 5 | 0.0179 |
| #2 | j0di | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | aKra! | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Core 2009 | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | George W. Ku$h | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aKra! | 166 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | j0di | 165 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | GlaasjexBier | 74 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #4 | Core 2009 | 54 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Krizti | 31 | 0.03 | 1 min |





