








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1091 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 541 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 128 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5229 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,414 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2310 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3112 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2818 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2174 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,656,169 of utility $234 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 615 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





