








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 660 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 180 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2646 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,438 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1087 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1734 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1881 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1736 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,563,651 of utility $247 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 634 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | You A QT ♡ | 67% | 24 |
| #2 | CRUNKED | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | BeltFedBird | 61% | 46 |
| #4 | Hugh Janus | 58% | 26 |
| #5 | weirdhoney | 57% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | weirdhoney | 57% | 21 |
| #6 | Neosavic | 56% | 25 |
| #7 | Do_Worrk :) | 55% | 20 |
| #8 | Swag_Lured | 54% | 57 |
| #9 | Peregrinus | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peregrinus | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | CRUNKED | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Swag_Lured | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | You A QT ♡ | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Neosavic | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swag_Lured | 209 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | You A QT ♡ | 122 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #3 | Neosavic | 108 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | BeltFedBird | 90 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hugh Janus | 88 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | You A QT ♡ | +2.94 | 89 | 65 |
| #2 | Hugh Janus | +1.72 | 85 | 69 |
| #3 | Neosavic | +1.61 | 74 | 74 |
| #4 | BeltFedBird | +1.59 | 67 | 62 |
| #5 | Peregrinus | +1.32 | 89 | 73 |





