








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 434 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 539 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7542 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,955 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8012 | 29% |
| Smokes | 8137 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5182 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 6624 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,007,964 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 468 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | You A QT ♡ | 66% | 29 |
| #2 | Hugh Janus | 63% | 123 |
| #3 | weirdhoney | 59% | 59 |
| #4 | BOT Zohan | 55% | 51 |
| #5 | Swag_Lured | 54% | 230 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Swag_Lured | 54% | 230 |
| #6 | brinbran | 53% | 59 |
| #7 | BeltFedBird | 52% | 65 |
| #8 | Speedy | 52% | 29 |
| #9 | DnT | 48% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swag_Lured | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | You A QT ♡ | 5 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | BOT Zohan | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | BeltFedBird | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Hugh Janus | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swag_Lured | 796 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #2 | Hugh Janus | 338 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | BeltFedBird | 188 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | weirdhoney | 187 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | brinbran | 165 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugh Janus | +1.67 | 83 | 67 |
| #2 | Neosavic | +1.01 | 78 | 69 |
| #3 | BeltFedBird | +0.70 | 61 | 55 |
| #4 | weirdhoney | +0.47 | 81 | 62 |
| #5 | brinbran | +0.36 | 66 | 58 |





