








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2020 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2038 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2136 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1810 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 987 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,130,885 of utility $228 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Werner | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | OneAnaki | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Rubies | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Kim | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Kols | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Werner | 415 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #2 | Kim | 275 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | OneAnaki | 126 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Rubies | 112 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #5 | Kols | 73 | 0.06 | 2 min |





