








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 109 matches | ||
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2156 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1702 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1916 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2300 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1275 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $648,111 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ◣_◢ | 68% | 38 |
| #2 | KS | 67% | 21 |
| #3 | SciiwOliver | 64% | 42 |
| #4 | Hugh Mungus | 64% | 70 |
| #5 | Wiese | 64% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Hugh Mungus | 64% | 70 |
| #5 | Wiese | 64% | 108 |
| #6 | sCavedaya [Z] | 63% | 134 |
| #7 | Lorenzo! | 57% | 80 |
| #8 | Ahlquist | 56% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiese | 14 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Hugh Mungus | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | sCavedaya [Z] | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | SciiwOliver | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | ◣_◢ | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiese | 319 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | sCavedaya [Z] | 211 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | Ahlquist | 99 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Lorenzo! | 98 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | SciiwOliver | 96 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lorenzo! | +2.19 | 81 | 58 |
| #2 | FritteFar | +1.80 | 81 | 68 |
| #3 | sCavedaya [Z] | +0.88 | 87 | 65 |
| #4 | ◣_◢ | +0.73 | 71 | 55 |
| #5 | Hugh Mungus | +0.61 | 66 | 64 |





