








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2064 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,507 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1765 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2311 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1522 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1909 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $723,062 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Million | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | vivou | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | shuwz- | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | Stonz | 50% | 107 |
| #5 | ALSA. | 49% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALSA. | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | shuwz- | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Stonz | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Alexzec | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | db* | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stonz | 358 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | shuwz- | 240 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #3 | db* | 172 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | Le RenarD | 153 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Alexzec | 131 | 0.13 | 3 min |





