








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1439 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 268 matches | 2,046 | |
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Faceit | 194 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6759 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,208 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11467 | 31% |
| Smokes | 9109 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8884 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 7748 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,671,198 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 565 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Input | 51% | 55 |
| #9 | Hegg3N | 50% | 82 |
| #10 | STH ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 48% | 159 |
| #11 | Topgunner83 | 47% | 247 |
| #12 | xact | 46% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeph ♛ | 10 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | STH ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Hegg3N | 9 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Topgunner83 | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | stian.K | 8 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeph ♛ | 1049 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #2 | Topgunner83 | 596 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | strk | 537 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | The Bait | 482 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #5 | STH ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 437 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeph ♛ | +2.85 | 82 | 60 |
| #2 | eL PatRoN_ | +1.08 | 81 | 61 |
| #3 | xact | +0.97 | 78 | 72 |
| #4 | Hegg3N | +0.31 | 63 | 67 |
| #5 | elwood | +0.28 | 63 | 73 |





