








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 257 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2298 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3261 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1933 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2622 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 932 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $472,175 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Achilles | 70% | 20 |
| #2 | Wadde | 61% | 23 |
| #3 | Bacca | 56% | 100 |
| #4 | Bas | 54% | 123 |
| #5 | Josh | 54% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | NastyGulag fighter Kermit2 | 49% | 35 |
| #11 | mirrelito | 43% | 37 |
| #12 | BILLY | 41% | 63 |
| #13 | Petrophagus | 40% | 15 |
| #14 | DaskeMann | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bacca | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Josh | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Bas | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Rubirian | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | BILLY | 3 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bas | 695 | 0.26 | 19 min |
| #2 | Bacca | 600 | 0.28 | 15 min |
| #3 | Rubirian | 208 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Josh | 132 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | PiXXoN | 131 | 0.11 | 3 min |





