








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 527 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 440 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5467 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3066 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4025 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3580 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3491 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,467,999 of utility $219 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 199 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rescha | 62% | 45 |
| #2 | Fsn | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 57% | 203 |
| #4 | Sexygamer93 | 54% | 102 |
| #5 | Force™ | 53% | 164 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Cauli | 49% | 232 |
| #7 | kggx | 49% | 317 |
| #8 | b1oN | 48% | 465 |
| #9 | Bierjesus | 48% | 176 |
| #10 | Perlenbacher Connaisseur | 41% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b1oN | 11 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 11 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | kggx | 9 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Bierjesus | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Force™ | 5 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 1077 | 0.25 | 32 min |
| #2 | b1oN | 629 | 0.06 | 13 min |
| #3 | kggx | 617 | 0.09 | 18 min |
| #4 | Cauli | 427 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #5 | Bierjesus | 309 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeterSchmusig | +2.17 | 80 | 54 |
| #2 | Sexygamer93 | +0.80 | 67 | 57 |
| #3 | n0éL the UNprofessional | +0.68 | 39 | 74 |
| #4 | Cauli | +0.58 | 54 | 64 |
| #5 | kggx | +0.37 | 70 | 55 |





