








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 363 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 442 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5135 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,777 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5503 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6139 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6284 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4851 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,662,843 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rescha | 59% | 37 |
| #2 | Fsn | 55% | 38 |
| #3 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 52% | 185 |
| #4 | Cauli | 50% | 244 |
| #5 | Bierjesus | 49% | 186 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | kggx | 49% | 317 |
| #7 | PeterSchmusig | 48% | 465 |
| #8 | Perlenbacher Connaisseur | 48% | 115 |
| #9 | Force™ | 47% | 156 |
| #10 | Sexygamer93 | 46% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeterSchmusig | 14 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | kggx | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Bierjesus | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Force™ | 4 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 976 | 0.25 | 28 min |
| #2 | kggx | 608 | 0.09 | 17 min |
| #3 | PeterSchmusig | 525 | 0.05 | 15 min |
| #4 | Cauli | 446 | 0.09 | 13 min |
| #5 | Bierjesus | 325 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeterSchmusig | +2.12 | 79 | 53 |
| #2 | Cauli | +0.72 | 55 | 65 |
| #3 | n0éL the UNprofessional | +0.70 | 39 | 74 |
| #4 | kggx | +0.57 | 70 | 56 |
| #5 | Sexygamer93 | +0.25 | 66 | 58 |





