








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 107 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 83 matches | ||
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2156 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,672 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1555 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1840 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1221 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1056 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $947,828 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 628 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | nack | 51% | 73 |
| #6 | IcyDawg | 33% | 15 |
| #7 | Hassan Al Bigdaddi | 32% | 19 |
| #8 | Ozzy | 31% | 13 |
| #9 | Naxty | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nack | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Foxtrot | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | IcyDawg | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Pink Gorilla | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Hassan Al Bigdaddi | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nack | 156 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | Foxtrot | 144 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Tony Tortellini | 76 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | Pink Gorilla | 73 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ozzy | 65 | 0.15 | 2 min |





