








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
453 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,034 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 169 | 16% |
| Smokes | 301 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 361 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 203 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $69,450 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | eepy | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Slicedbread | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | FredEx | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 77 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Avada Balenciaga | 61 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Jim Carry | 47 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Shit Ain't Nothin' to Me, Man | 43 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fricken Oatmeal | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +6.02 | 86 | 57 |
| #2 | FredEx | +2.23 | 48 | 48 |
| #3 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | +2.08 | 66 | 49 |
| #4 | FredEx2ez | +1.96 | 62 | 60 |
| #5 | Slicedbread | +0.88 | 58 | 49 |





