








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 215 matches | ||
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,191 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3569 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3028 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3381 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2213 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $942,759 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Oiva | 46% | 63 |
| #12 | HÖYLÄ | 44% | 34 |
| #13 | Meta | 44% | 100 |
| #14 | haepis | 42% | 48 |
| #15 | LaTumbe | 40% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jari Wonderchild | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Vanu | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Keisari | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | LaTumbe | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Mige | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jari Wonderchild | 447 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | cru1s3r | 386 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | Meta | 365 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #4 | Mige | 355 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #5 | Keisari | 281 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haepis | +1.82 | 76 | 68 |
| #2 | Krisu Salamanca(raitistunut) | +1.52 | 45 | 68 |
| #3 | cru1s3r | +1.52 | 73 | 65 |
| #4 | Y3sse | +1.07 | 72 | 68 |
| #5 | nice guy Mike :D | +0.58 | 59 | 55 |





