








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 456 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 399 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 106 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5227 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,412 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5583 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4183 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4406 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4240 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,209,216 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bernie | 55% | 209 |
| #2 | JohnBlaze | 54% | 247 |
| #3 | abK` | 53% | 116 |
| #4 | v!Per | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | Magno | 53% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SCROBOT | 18 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Mia Khalifa | 10 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | JohnBlaze | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | BigSleezy | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | bernie | 4 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JohnBlaze | 1107 | 0.21 | 32 min |
| #2 | SCROBOT | 624 | 0.06 | 17 min |
| #3 | bernie | 487 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #4 | Mia Khalifa | 245 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | abK` | 222 | 0.09 | 5 min |





