








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
691 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,450 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1227 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1185 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 921 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1117 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $374,944 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Palme | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | Philthyphil | 56% | 50 |
| #3 | mrvn | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | Dazzler | 55% | 82 |
| #5 | ✪ Lukyluke2211 | 54% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Dazzler | 55% | 82 |
| #5 | ✪ Lukyluke2211 | 54% | 52 |
| #6 | Bane | 47% | 57 |
| #7 | MacaRena | 46% | 24 |
| #8 | ぷ Pumpieh | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dazzler | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Bane | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | mrvn | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | ぷ Pumpieh | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dazzler | 460 | 0.27 | 13 min |
| #2 | mrvn | 120 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bane | 119 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Philthyphil | 113 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Palme | 56 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dazzler | +3.36 | 70 | 69 |
| #2 | mrvn | +3.33 | 84 | 57 |
| #3 | Philthyphil | +0.73 | 73 | 72 |
| #4 | ✪ Lukyluke2211 | +0.72 | 75 | 37 |
| #5 | Palme | +0.50 | 64 | 65 |





