








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1603 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,893 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1539 | 40% |
| Smokes | 936 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 773 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 645 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $352,875 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 282 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 59% | 140 |
| #2 | Spanky wit da Glock | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 57% | 65 |
| #4 | HCB.COOM | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | HCB.Chair | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 57% | 65 |
| #4 | HCB.COOM | 44% | 25 |
| #5 | HCB.Chair | 42% | 12 |
| #6 | HCB.Anonymous | 40% | 30 |
| #7 | HCB.Spiteful93 | 33% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 13 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | HCB.Anonymous | 12 | 0.0205 |
| #3 | HCB.COOM | 9 | 0.0185 |
| #4 | HCB.Chair | 7 | 0.0304 |
| #5 | HCB.Spiteful93 | 3 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | 503 | 0.38 | 12 min |
| #2 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 362 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #3 | HCB.Anonymous | 75 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Spanky wit da Glock | 52 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | HCB.Spiteful93 | 44 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | +6.40 | 90 | 48 |
| #2 | Molester Baggins | Jim's Pizzas | +3.36 | 80 | 69 |
| #3 | Ollie Cherpussie | -0.05 | 78 | 57 |
| #4 | Spanky wit da Glock | -0.36 | 62 | 60 |
| #5 | HCB.Chair | -4.23 | 28 | 25 |





