








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4323 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,503 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2576 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2524 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2949 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2454 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,017,134 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Northern_Whale | 57% | 47 |
| #2 | Джед | 56% | 162 |
| #3 | gBL_ | 54% | 128 |
| #4 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | 53% | 180 |
| #5 | BigTozzer | 52% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | 51 | 0.0140 |
| #2 | Джед | 48 | 0.0154 |
| #3 | gBL_ | 39 | 0.0147 |
| #4 | BigTozzer | 17 | 0.0134 |
| #5 | PussInBootsヅ | 12 | 0.0077 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Джед | 463 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | 224 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | PussInBootsヅ | 197 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | gBL_ | 137 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | BigTozzer | 93 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Джед | +2.55 | 81 | 58 |
| #2 | Milk | +2.33 | 81 | 54 |
| #3 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | -0.16 | 80 | 45 |
| #4 | gBL_ | -0.24 | 74 | 36 |
| #5 | Shadow Wizard Money Gang | -0.72 | 67 | 30 |





