








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2362 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,034 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1743 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1750 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1541 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1000 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $389,024 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | gBL_ | 49% | 79 |
| #6 | Northern_Whale | 47% | 19 |
| #7 | PussInBootsヅ | 47% | 55 |
| #8 | Shadow Wizard Money Gang | 40% | 43 |
| #9 | WHEEEEEEEEEEELP | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | 34 | 0.0210 |
| #2 | Milk | 27 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | gBL_ | 17 | 0.0107 |
| #4 | Shadow Wizard Money Gang | 15 | 0.0188 |
| #5 | PussInBootsヅ | 11 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Milk | 512 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | PussInBootsヅ | 133 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | 127 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Shadow Wizard Money Gang | 76 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | gBL_ | 75 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Джед | +2.76 | 81 | 58 |
| #2 | Milk | +2.42 | 82 | 55 |
| #3 | ooga booga nig nog monkey fucker | +0.26 | 79 | 47 |
| #4 | WHEEEEEEEEEEELP | +0.15 | 78 | 81 |
| #5 | Shadow Wizard Money Gang | -0.96 | 64 | 32 |





