








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1917 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,967 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1220 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1832 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1994 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1921 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $727,029 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stickan | 80% | 15 |
| #2 | Zeethene | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | Musse | 51% | 39 |
| #4 | Obababawuwuwgagagagegege | 51% | 118 |
| #5 | nejhan :O]-< | 50% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Obababawuwuwgagagagegege | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Sparris | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | S̶o̶u̶p̶ | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Pomp1 | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | nejhan :O]-< | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pomp1 | 625 | 0.30 | 23 min |
| #2 | Obababawuwuwgagagagegege | 460 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #3 | S̶o̶u̶p̶ | 266 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Sparris | 166 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | Soppinen | 142 | 0.09 | 4 min |





