








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 327 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 441 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4069 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,850 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5849 | 28% |
| Smokes | 5469 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4475 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5057 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,563,936 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Soppinen | 55% | 44 |
| #2 | Zeethene | 53% | 30 |
| #3 | Bitch | 51% | 118 |
| #4 | Sparris | 50% | 131 |
| #5 | S̶o̶u̶p̶ | 50% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pomp1 | 1514 | 0.31 | 54 min |
| #2 | nejhan :O]-< | 580 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #3 | Cholipung | 428 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #4 | Sparris | 313 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #5 | Chubaka | 298 | 0.08 | 6 min |





