








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 114 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 203 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2273 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4269 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3487 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3259 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2146 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $77,983 of utility $14 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tanko 1 | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Botalert | 66% | 29 |
| #3 | r1 | 65% | 20 |
| #4 | TheSmallTalk | 63% | 32 |
| #5 | Оливие Шампен | 60% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ^5lubakisaa | 52% | 126 |
| #8 | vld$$$$ | 50% | 183 |
| #9 | слава белой расе | 48% | 164 |
| #10 | theos | 48% | 79 |
| #11 | ХристоS | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Оливие Шампен | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | vld$$$$ | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | слава белой расе | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | dav1dG♛ | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | theos | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vld$$$$ | 894 | 0.23 | 28 min |
| #2 | слава белой расе | 691 | 0.20 | 17 min |
| #3 | ^5lubakisaa | 217 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | Оливие Шампен | 195 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | dav1dG♛ | 165 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | theos | +2.32 | 61 | 68 |
| #2 | r1 | +2.10 | 66 | 70 |
| #3 | слава белой расе | +2.09 | 74 | 72 |
| #4 | ^5lubakisaa | +1.17 | 82 | 62 |
| #5 | ХристоS | +0.60 | 68 | 66 |





