








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 60 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3438 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,635 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5545 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6456 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4365 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 5269 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $829,157 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | byzun | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | Basil | 64% | 36 |
| #3 | J4ckyD | 59% | 93 |
| #4 | saiyo | 59% | 46 |
| #5 | Bunzi | 58% | 374 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Efren | 51% | 39 |
| #13 | Treaux_ | 50% | 145 |
| #14 | BONKRIPPER49 | 48% | 33 |
| #15 | Invokeru | 45% | 31 |
| #16 | voke | 31% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bunzi | 12 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | MZW | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 | ⠁⠊⠍ | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Major_Waddles | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | saiyo | 4 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bunzi | 1045 | 0.14 | 29 min |
| #2 | Major_Waddles | 519 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #3 | MZW | 452 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | Treaux_ | 351 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #5 | 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 | ⠁⠊⠍ | 331 | 0.13 | 8 min |





