








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 286 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,784 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4482 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3688 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4504 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4110 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $620,884 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | volt | 52% | 64 |
| #10 | Nicoleto | 50% | 40 |
| #11 | Aki | 48% | 29 |
| #12 | jojolooping | 40% | 25 |
| #13 | Oki | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _soO | 12 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Nox | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | K@uskÖusss | -tusor+tfor | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | A.D | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | volt | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _soO | 715 | 0.19 | 18 min |
| #2 | Nox | 285 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | volt | 216 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | K@uskÖusss | -tusor+tfor | 141 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Oki | 133 | 0.23 | 4 min |





