








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 992 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 331 matches | ||
| Wingman | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 52 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9642 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6156 | 22% |
| Smokes | 8732 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5552 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 8060 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,793,228 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2029 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Filthy Casual | 46% | 284 |
| #7 | Jelly | 46% | 175 |
| #8 | Johnny Hollywood | 45% | 712 |
| #9 | pHazEd | 42% | 125 |
| #10 | EdgeOfaKHole | 41% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShweetTee | 14 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Johnny Hollywood | 9 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | TonyPepproni | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Filthy Casual | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Planned Trannyhood | 4 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Filthy Casual | 2116 | 0.36 | 63 min |
| #2 | Johnny Hollywood | 963 | 0.07 | 20 min |
| #3 | TonyPepproni | 756 | 0.21 | 23 min |
| #4 | ShweetTee | 436 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #5 | MyspaceTom | 337 | 0.12 | 10 min |





