








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 636 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 319 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 87 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4685 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,108 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3991 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5574 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 4353 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3190 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,749,949 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 527 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ JamBo^_^ | 71% | 38 |
| #2 | M1xu | 58% | 118 |
| #3 | Assa | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | veljaN | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | Cadaveri | 48% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Assa | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | veljaN | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | Cadaveri | 48% | 120 |
| #6 | c̶o̶c̶o̶♡ | 47% | 32 |
| #7 | Timanski | 45% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1xu | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Assa | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Timanski | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | c̶o̶c̶o̶♡ | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Cadaveri | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1xu | 438 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Cadaveri | 261 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | veljaN | 247 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #4 | Timanski | 167 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | ✪ JamBo^_^ | 63 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ‹Cyŋą☻› | +2.27 | 69 | 77 |
| #2 | ✪ JamBo^_^ | +2.17 | 82 | 63 |
| #3 | M1xu | +1.83 | 81 | 66 |
| #4 | Cadaveri | +0.53 | 53 | 70 |
| #5 | veljaN | +0.39 | 67 | 80 |





