








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,294 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1286 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1574 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1110 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1324 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $340,462 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Incipient | 64% | 45 |
| #2 | EGGTART` | 56% | 34 |
| #3 | Gwappywappy | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | Patar | 53% | 34 |
| #5 | pandino | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | aeries | 43% | 30 |
| #12 | tegridy | 41% | 17 |
| #13 | EatBaitPray | 36% | 14 |
| #14 | wsefy | 29% | 14 |
| #15 | Mysteriere | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deevos | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | tegridy | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | RayZ. | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Incipient | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | EGGTART` | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deevos | 324 | 0.27 | 9 min |
| #2 | bwitzkl | 236 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | RayZ. | 159 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | tegridy | 85 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | aeries | 65 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jin | +1.27 | 77 | 68 |
| #2 | EGGTART` | +0.99 | 56 | 60 |
| #3 | tegridy | +0.83 | 88 | 71 |
| #4 | RayZ. | +0.82 | 60 | 53 |
| #5 | aeries | +0.74 | 78 | 48 |





