








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1691 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 326 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 241 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 44 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10987 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,870 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10157 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5639 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 11521 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 7553 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,882,096 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4717 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | xsv- | 46% | 132 |
| #11 | -Q33N_Y | 45% | 96 |
| #12 | Memory | 45% | 112 |
| #13 | Xazark | 43% | 472 |
| #14 | __K__ | 36% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koshka | 41 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | polygonshifter | 40 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Xazark | 33 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Paxi D. Fixi. | 20 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 19 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brm | 2337 | 0.10 | 61 min |
| #2 | polygonshifter | 916 | 0.13 | 24 min |
| #3 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 570 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #4 | Xazark | 511 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #5 | -Q33N_Y | 447 | 0.22 | 10 min |





