








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1249 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2301 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,978 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1739 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2134 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1557 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1548 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $420,922 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 255 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain | 83% | 23 |
| #2 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 76% | 33 |
| #3 | Koshka | 71% | 17 |
| #4 | tokyo | 71% | 17 |
| #5 | polygonshifter | 67% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | polygonshifter | 8 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | tokyo | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #4 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | pain | 3 | 0.0068 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 309 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Brm | 290 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | polygonshifter | 116 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | tokyo | 100 | 0.30 | 2 min |
| #5 | pain | 86 | 0.19 | 3 min |





