








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 834 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 330 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 130 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9452 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,230 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3847 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2816 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4844 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4723 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,000,104 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1668 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 55% | 119 |
| #9 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 55% | 184 |
| #10 | Xazark | 54% | 108 |
| #11 | Memory | 53% | 38 |
| #12 | Pez | 38% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | polygonshifter | 17 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 15 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Xazark | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Brm | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 5 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brm | 581 | 0.10 | 16 min |
| #2 | tabseN | 500 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #3 | polygonshifter | 495 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #4 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 411 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #5 | ✪ 𝚂 𝙿 △ 𝚁 𝙺 ™ | 258 | 0.11 | 7 min |





