








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 249 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 304 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 88 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3172 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,991 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 241 | 12% |
| Smokes | 157 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 1473 | 74% |
| Molotovs | 120 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $598,529 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 222 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kikn | 57% | 54 |
| #2 | Ron Swanson | 54% | 35 |
| #3 | d!nk. | 51% | 45 |
| #4 | kikn | 50% | 32 |
| #5 | Gobbles | 50% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | d!nk. | 51% | 45 |
| #4 | kikn | 50% | 32 |
| #5 | Gobbles | 50% | 42 |
| #6 | SunnyD | 43% | 21 |
| #7 | whoami? | 42% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ron Swanson | 5 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | d!nk. | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | whoami? | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Kikn | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Gobbles | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kikn | 169 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | whoami? | 133 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Ron Swanson | 128 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Gobbles | 121 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | d!nk. | 80 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ron Swanson | +1.87 | 46 | 60 |
| #2 | d!nk. | +1.36 | 48 | 63 |
| #3 | Kikn | +1.04 | 58 | 66 |
| #4 | MessiaHz | +0.32 | 67 | 20 |
| #5 | kikn | -0.25 | 46 | 67 |





