








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 47 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
687 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,513 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 658 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1009 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1035 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 811 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $212,109 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★trance | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | Dennis the menace | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Osnaskater | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | BYK | 54% | 59 |
| #5 | ★WaitWhat?! | 53% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Aschi | 51% | 53 |
| #8 | TimSta | 49% | 55 |
| #9 | Spitzkopf Larry | 49% | 45 |
| #10 | mazeツ @LAN | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | ⛴ Drehstabenverbucher | 38% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spitzkopf Larry | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Aschi | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | TimSta | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | ★WaitWhat?! | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | floxerino | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★WaitWhat?! | 163 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | ⛴ Drehstabenverbucher | 89 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Spitzkopf Larry | 65 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | BYK | 62 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Aschi | 58 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★WaitWhat?! | +1.76 | 58 | 77 |
| #2 | mazeツ @LAN | +1.72 | 79 | 79 |
| #3 | Aschi | +1.69 | 63 | 69 |
| #4 | TimSta | +1.55 | 86 | 65 |
| #5 | Dennis the menace | +0.55 | 36 | 74 |





