








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 254 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2063 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,320 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1480 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2083 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1790 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 967 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $880,875 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 146 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | An1ta | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | Knes | 55% | 33 |
| #3 | s4m | 49% | 107 |
| #4 | MuTTs NuTTs | 48% | 109 |
| #5 | H@R!B0 | 47% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | s4m | 49% | 107 |
| #4 | MuTTs NuTTs | 48% | 109 |
| #5 | H@R!B0 | 47% | 57 |
| #6 | Marvos | 46% | 69 |
| #7 | Dockx | 45% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MuTTs NuTTs | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Dockx | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Marvos | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Knes | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | An1ta | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MuTTs NuTTs | 513 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #2 | Marvos | 449 | 0.29 | 14 min |
| #3 | s4m | 196 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Dockx | 113 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | An1ta | 48 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s4m | +2.40 | 82 | 61 |
| #2 | Knes | +0.92 | 57 | 60 |
| #3 | Marvos | +0.58 | 73 | 78 |
| #4 | MuTTs NuTTs | -0.22 | 52 | 63 |
| #5 | H@R!B0 | -0.75 | 48 | 45 |





