








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 524 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 140 matches | ||
| Esplay | 30 matches | 1,793 | |
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2011 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,672 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1579 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1077 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2264 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1752 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,040,696 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bonde | 58% | 73 |
| #2 | Fabulous | 53% | 60 |
| #3 | cocaine on a night out | 52% | 227 |
| #4 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 50% | 211 |
| #5 | Matziii | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Fabulous | 53% | 60 |
| #3 | cocaine on a night out | 52% | 227 |
| #4 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 50% | 211 |
| #5 | Matziii | 49% | 35 |
| #6 | ^_^ | 46% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine on a night out | 12 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Fabulous | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Bonde | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | ^_^ | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine on a night out | 732 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #2 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 539 | 0.12 | 16 min |
| #3 | ^_^ | 239 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | Bonde | 142 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Fabulous | 79 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fabulous | +1.68 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | cocaine on a night out | +1.07 | 62 | 75 |
| #3 | Matziii | +1.02 | 65 | 63 |
| #4 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | +0.56 | 52 | 70 |
| #5 | ^_^ | -0.93 | 54 | 70 |





