








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1407 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 285 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 152 matches | ||
| Esplay | 52 matches | 1,893 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Renown | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 177 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6016 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,610 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6418 | 22% |
| Smokes | 8464 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 8150 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 6578 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,213,038 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 360 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matziii | 55% | 55 |
| #2 | cocaine on a night out | 51% | 581 |
| #3 | Denim Demon | 50% | 211 |
| #4 | Fabulous | 49% | 170 |
| #5 | Bonde | 48% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | cocaine on a night out | 51% | 581 |
| #3 | Denim Demon | 50% | 211 |
| #4 | Fabulous | 49% | 170 |
| #5 | Bonde | 48% | 151 |
| #6 | ^_^ | 47% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine on a night out | 20 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Denim Demon | 12 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Fabulous | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Bonde | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | ^_^ | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine on a night out | 1602 | 0.13 | 45 min |
| #2 | ^_^ | 378 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | Denim Demon | 311 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #4 | Bonde | 290 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | Fabulous | 246 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fabulous | +1.65 | 67 | 61 |
| #2 | cocaine on a night out | +0.74 | 62 | 72 |
| #3 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | +0.71 | 55 | 70 |
| #4 | Matziii | +0.37 | 63 | 66 |
| #5 | ^_^ | -1.10 | 54 | 70 |





