








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2016 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 314 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 105 matches | ||
| Esplay | 56 matches | 1,872 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Renown | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 224 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5193 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,278 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6636 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6524 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7379 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 5739 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,461,314 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 359 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matziii | 52% | 61 |
| #2 | Denim Demon | 52% | 227 |
| #3 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 51% | 581 |
| #4 | Bonde | 51% | 178 |
| #5 | Fabulous | 50% | 196 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Denim Demon | 52% | 227 |
| #3 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 51% | 581 |
| #4 | Bonde | 51% | 178 |
| #5 | Fabulous | 50% | 196 |
| #6 | ^_^ | 46% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 16 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Denim Demon | 14 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Fabulous | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Bonde | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | ^_^ | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 1513 | 0.12 | 42 min |
| #2 | ^_^ | 408 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | Bonde | 341 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | Denim Demon | 338 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #5 | Fabulous | 276 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fabulous | +1.46 | 67 | 59 |
| #2 | cocaine on a night out | +0.87 | 61 | 72 |
| #3 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | +0.54 | 55 | 70 |
| #4 | Matziii | +0.28 | 64 | 61 |
| #5 | ^_^ | -1.11 | 53 | 69 |





