








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 432 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Esplay | 15 matches | 1,755 | |
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 66 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1515 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,083 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2249 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1660 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1803 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1371 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $301,643 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 47% | 137 |
| #2 | Matziii | 47% | 30 |
| #3 | cocaine on a night out | 46% | 145 |
| #4 | Denim Demon | 46% | 81 |
| #5 | Bonde | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Matziii | 47% | 30 |
| #3 | cocaine on a night out | 46% | 145 |
| #4 | Denim Demon | 46% | 81 |
| #5 | Bonde | 36% | 22 |
| #6 | Fabulous | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Denim Demon | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | cocaine on a night out | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Fabulous | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Bonde | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cocaine on a night out | 458 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | 335 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Denim Demon | 112 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bonde | 49 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fabulous | 33 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fabulous | +0.58 | 64 | 56 |
| #2 | cocaine on a night out | +0.55 | 64 | 74 |
| #3 | Matziii | +0.47 | 63 | 62 |
| #4 | Hemmelighetsklassifisert | +0.17 | 51 | 71 |
| #5 | Denim Demon | -0.93 | 51 | 64 |





