








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 377 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2252 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,962 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 913 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1935 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1837 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2277 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,077,825 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 146 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Mexenhenced | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | jm.- | 46% | 63 |
| #11 | ScaR-x-FacE | 45% | 44 |
| #12 | Nocreativity420 | 41% | 29 |
| #13 | Firewurk | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whaty | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | `Light <3 | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | dolli | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Chewtoy | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | ScaR-x-FacE | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | `Light <3 | 533 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | dolli | 256 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | Whaty | 143 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | Chewtoy | 133 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #5 | ScaR-x-FacE | 111 | 0.11 | 3 min |





