








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 221 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1656 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,910 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1291 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2123 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1562 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1934 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $583,458 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Whaty | 48% | 124 |
| #13 | Cadenbear | 46% | 13 |
| #14 | Chewtoy | 45% | 20 |
| #15 | Voodoo Clam | 20% | 10 |
| #16 | Muffin | 15% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whaty | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | `Light <3 | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | VACation | 3 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | dolli | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | ScaR-x-FacE | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | `Light <3 | 319 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | dolli | 197 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Whaty | 155 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | LetsRollOutToMomsHouse | 104 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Chewtoy | 79 | 0.20 | 2 min |





