








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1710 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,167 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 878 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2100 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1593 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1596 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,154,959 of utility $244 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Andy ☕ | 51% | 125 |
| #6 | MrTeddyBear | 50% | 134 |
| #7 | Legreid | 48% | 154 |
| #8 | Gjøs ☕ | 43% | 82 |
| #9 | IVI | 32% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy ☕ | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | MrTeddyBear | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Gjøs ☕ | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Legreid | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy ☕ | 531 | 0.20 | 15 min |
| #2 | Legreid | 506 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #3 | MrTeddyBear | 334 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | Gjøs ☕ | 290 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #5 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 283 | 0.11 | 7 min |





