








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2680 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,553 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5196 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4751 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3851 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2755 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $921,342 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 301 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | MrTeddyBear | 53% | 247 |
| #7 | IVI | 51% | 47 |
| #8 | eriK | 48% | 154 |
| #9 | Gjøs ☕ | 44% | 162 |
| #10 | Epidydemis | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy ☕ | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | MrTeddyBear | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Gjøs ☕ | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | eriK | 3 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy ☕ | 1073 | 0.21 | 31 min |
| #2 | MrTeddyBear | 596 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #3 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 511 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | Gjøs ☕ | 488 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #5 | sIkLe | 181 | 0.17 | 5 min |





